Cruise part one

I'm waiting waiting waiting in the airport so I can finally have some time to blog. I was so busy on the ship and had so much fun and there were so many events I had no time to write. This was the best vacation I've ever been on.

Ok now I'm at home the next day. I got in late and they lost my luggage - happy day! So today I am very tired and I can STILL feel the boat rocking.
So I did get off the ship in Puerto Rico as we didn't dock until 2 pm so I could sleep in. Every day was so busy and a party every night, who could get up at 8 am?
First thing I saw was a cat, as I do on every trip, so I pet it and I haven't noticed any communicable diseases yet.

Then I went for a walk. I hadn't booked any excursions and when I got there this guy offered a guided 1.5 hour tour for $10. I got in his bus and he went to get more people for the tour. I waited about 5 minutes and 5 guys from my boat got on and all ignored me. This was like a 10-seater bus and they chatted away loudly in Spanish so I got off. I looked at the map and they said it was only a 30 minute walk to the fort I wanted to check out anyway.
Plus it was a nice walk:

So I got to the fort:

It was kind of cool. Only $3 to get in. There was also a free trolley that ran all over the island. There was a tour offered in the excursions to see the same thing for $30.
Really cool you could watch the Atlantic ocean crash against the shore which was hypnotic. Plus you get an amazing view of a cemetery and the old part of the city.


The next day my roommate had booked 2 tickets for an excursion in St Maarten to a butterfly conservatory - his friends paid for them and two people each got him one by accident. So I went with him and we had a pretty good time. My camera was amazing....

After 30 minutes at the butterfly place, it was off to Orient Beach, the best beach on St. Maarten. The excursion company obviously meant this excursion for straight people as we were dropped off FAR from the nude/gay beach part, which is what we all wanted to see. We had 1.5 hours there and the driver said the gay beach was a 15 minute walk. It was more like a 35 minute walk so I didn't bother, I walked about 10 minutes and then turned back.
But the beach was amazing!


I took a lot of photos of me in this outfit as I loved the Andrew Christian shirt and the hat I found in Puerto Rico that I've been looking for a long time. Unfortunately the shirt is in my lost luggage, along with my $70 bathing suit so I may never see it again. D'oh. A $500 credit on Air Canada could make me forget.... (hint, hint!)
Then we got off the tour bus and went shopping in the HUGE downtown market on the Dutch side.

I got a few things. Then we sat on the beach and the peer. Beer was $.99 and water was $1. Huh?


Walking back I got a good shot of the ship.

That night we went to a show "Once Upon a Time". The weakest parts of the cruise were the shows that were left over from the straight cruises.
It was so childish. Like Cinderella would complain about being single and then sing the new song "Single Ladies" or the wolf came out in Little Red Riding Hood and sang "Hungry Like the Wolf". Crazy. People seemed to like it but it was really cheesy 'family entertainment' and felt out of place, like the ice show. Even the Broadway night, most of the musicals were really old, meant for really old people. Who has seen "Guys and Dolls" in the last 50 years?
The next day (I think) we saw a show, I forget what this one was.

But the beautiful and lovely Charlie was there. Delicious.

One of the comedians was talking about online personal ads and what they mean. For example "moderately hairy" means "I look like Chewbacca". He said "swimmer's build" means "I'm so skinny I can walk through a harp", which describes the fellow below.

Yikes.
Afterward they had an Andrew Christian underwear/swimwear fashion show. They had picked guys from the boat and after each had shown one suit, they had to change into another suit in front of everyone. They kept saying there was a "no nudity" clause in their contract so they covered him up with a towel to change and had audience members help them change.
Some were very enthusiastic:

The designer Andrew Christian himself was there. He's pictured below in the black plaid shirt and black tie.

And finally all the guys in a line.

We had some time to kill before dinner, a rare occurrence, so we went around and looked at the doors. A lot of people had done them up like at summer camp.






Then one of the HIGHLIGHTS of the show was the dating game.
How could I ever go on a straight cruise and see the straight dating game after this?
Curiously there were about 10 women on the ship and one of them was a couple that made it into the dating game. (There was also a lesbian comedienne who was not good. She talked about her vagina and guys got up and left. Then she made fun of the gays for being squeamish. A great way to get the audience on your side is to say "Fuck you, get over it.")

So all the "passive" partners left and the others answered. What was funny was when they came back, the partner didn't know how far the other had taken the questions.
So one of the questions was "What do you do in the bedroom that no one knows about... until now?" People's answers were pretty tame and the partners came back and didn't know what to say, how far to push it.
The lesbian couple, the woman came back and said "We use knives" which caused the host to fall off his chair and the whole audience to laugh and laugh.
The next couple, the guy in the white shirt, they had been together over 10 years. He couldn't think of anything so he explained how they had two young kids who slept in the same room and sometimes things happened when the kids were asleep - and his partner matched him! These two were so cute together I wanted to move in with them and be their kid. I still do.
Finally more of Levi and Bingo.
At this bingo I got wise and didn't pay the $31 for the cards. I just went for the show and Levi. I also found out he has a website, yummy, and after the show I spent $20 to join his site and $30 on the internet to access it! Men are stupid sometimes when they follow their dumbstick.

Every time a mistake was made Levi had to take off another article of clothing. So a lot of mistakes were made and it was all quite funny.

The host Cashetta kept throwing his shorts to the audience when he took them off. She made a joke where she said "I'll throw it over my shoulder and whoever catches it gets to keep it" and then only threw it like one foot. So I jumped up on the stage and everyone laughed but she put her foot on it and wouldn't give it up.
Then she threw it into the audience and the guy threw it back saying he didn't want it. I was practically jumping out of my seat at this point and she then threw it to the deaf guys. Stupid handicapped.

Levi didn't have much to do at this point so he walked around selling instant win scratch cards for $5. I could have cared less about the card, but buying one meant you got a photo with him. So I ran from my seat in the front row to the back and got someone to take this photo:

My face was kind of blurred in this photo. D'oh!
But this one turned out well....

One more part to come....