The disadvantages of hostelling

It's 3:35 a.m. and I'm still awake. An Irish guy who's drunk (redundant) is in my room talking to everyone, asking them where they're from. It went something like:
Drunk guy: Where are you from?
Tokyo guy: What?
Drunk guy: Where are you from?
Tokyo guy: What?
Drunk guy: Where are you from?
Tokyo guy: Tokyo.
Drunk guy: What?
Etc.
The people here are the rudest and loudest of the 3 hostels I've stayed at. Which is weird because none of them are from New York.
Yesterday night this guy was snoring the loudest I have ever heard and some other guy was rubbing himself all night long.
I'm hoping if I can kill half an hour drunk guy will be asleep. Or I can kill drunk guy, either way.

Bi Bash/Aids Walk

If the religious right is correct and I am going to Hell, every night will be the Bi Bash.
It was death. I got there with my mom and friends at 8, the place was full, we were the last people allowed in it was so full. I couldn't believe it, we were standing in the hallway and it was hotter than Hell.
The show opened with a woman singing 3 songs about her vagina and playing a guitar. Then there was a spoken word segment where a 300 lb. bull dyke talked for 20 minutes about being whipped and waiting for a bus. Then a trans person (what sex to what I have no idea) got up and lip synced to a Bing Crosby song while caressing members of the audience. This person was about 50 with fire red hair and the looks of a bridge troll. No one wanted to be groped by it. Luckily I was in the hallway.
The high point of the night was the stripping nun:

She had the body of a 10 year crack whore but she ended up in pasties and danced to Any Winehouse "You know I'm no good" so it was decent.
Then there was "Gothercize" where this guy:

came out and talked for 20 minutes about the problems of being goth while taking sips of his sherry and pretending to smoke a clove cigarette. Seriously.
Finally (for me) they announced some guy was going to read from a Guide to Being Bisexual but something happened on the way to the podium and a woman came out. At least I think it was a woman. I'm not sure if it even knew for sure. When he got to the part where he was reading out, alphabetically, the top 50 movies every bisexual should see I was out the door.
They are re-doing the Steers and Queers event on October 11, 2007 and I HIGHLY suggest everyone go to that. No odes to my vagina, just dancing and stripping and drag and fun.
Today I went to the AIDS walk with my mom. It was fun except they ran out of t-shirts. They give t-shirts to anyone who raised over $100, we raised over $650, no t-shirt. That sucked.
The walk was supposed to be shortened but it took over an hour and at the end I felt like I was dead so not so much shorter. The high-point was the warm up before the walk with mayor David Miller in a suit doing the disco boogie on the stage. The guys who led the warm up were from Eclipse Fitness and were awesome. I'm gonna check out their gym and see if I can get in one of their classes, I think it would be fun.
After the walk we went for lunch at Fran's. Just before they brought me my soup I saw a cockroach crawl across the seat and instantly lost my appetite. Then on the bill they charged my mom for a bagel and cream cheese when she had a plain bagel. The waitress said it was the same price either way, I said $3.00 is a lot for a plain bagel, she said the wasn't Tim Hortons, I decided never to return.
So the best part of the weekend was the walk today and yesterday we spent the day shopping and having lunch at the Lettuce Eatery. That was fun too. I don't want to go to work tomorrow, anyone wanna go for me?
Oh and the Liberals came by while I was out today, I emailed them this:

I am now 28 and have voted for the NDP every election since
I turned 18. I will not be voting for them this election
and I am considering voting Liberal for the first time.
I am facing a roadblock that I need your help with.  After
promising no new taxes in the last election, last year alone
I paid $900 in health care premium, that's about 4% of my
take home pay, the largest tax increase in Ontario history.
I need to know how you can justify this, what has this money
done that was not being done before and why this step was
absolutely necessary.  Because that money to me is necessary
and I can't get over losing it.  Thanks.

The Tornado Hits

So the day started out very well. Sunshine, a nice breeze, still hundreds of degrees but hey, we take what we can get. I went to the Lincoln Park Zoo in the morning. It was quite nice, and quite free, bonus. The lions were going nuts, growling louder than I've ever heard:

I know Joe likes giraffes:

My favourite animal right now is the meer cat:

Check out the one at the very bottom, just legs and a tail. How does he breathe?

I saw this pitcher plant in the BBC documentary Planet Earth. They keep sugar water in the bottom of their basins, then when the bugs come in to drink they coat the walls with stuff so the bugs can't get out, then ingest them. Cool.

Afterward I went to Millennium Park and watched the kids splash in the water. There's this cool fountain there that spits on people:

I noticed this one dad there who was wearing white shorts and no underwear. He was hung like a Mexican gorilla so I followed him around for a while trying to take pictures:
and not be noticed. There were a lot of little kids there too so I had to make it seem like I wasn't trying to take loads of pictures of them too. Life is complicated.
Then I went to the Buckingham Fountain. Look at the beautiful day.

Well that changed in five minutes.

So it started to rain, then it was the hardest rain I've ever seen, waves of water crashing on me, I couldn't see, I started to run to shelter, the wind blew the glasses off my face. I kept running, the water hurt, I couldn't see where I was going, I ran under a tree. Here's me under the tree:
Then the branches started blowing off the tree so I kept moving around it at the base as the wind kept changing direction. About five minutes later, I was on my hands and knees for about an hour in the rain and thunder and lightning looking for my glasses. I caught another 50 cases of pneumonia. I think that's the record. The whole point of going there was to see the fountain erupt 150 feet in the air. Here it is (not worth it!):

So now I can't see very far and my shoes are wet. It's not really safe to go outside. There was an article about it in the paper here. Best vacation ever!

Am I there yet?

Well, I'm supposed to be landing in Chicago right now. I am not. I may be in the international papers tomorrow. I wish I could smoke here.

I arrived on the bus at the airport, grabbed by bags and went right in. The worst part for me is talking to the customs people. So I was very distracted, thinking "Just get me through this". I talked to the customs man and it went very quickly. A friend of mine suggested I carry my laptop in my hands onto the plane, so I bent down to remove it from my bag before I put my bag on the conveyor belt. It's then I noticed I had the wrong bag.

So I talked to about 4 people who couldn't help me. Then I talked to one who could. He said "I'll help you, we'll get everything sorted out!" Then he took the tag off my luggage and pushed me out of the customs clearance area. Thanks.

So I made my way back to the bus stop hoping the guy was still standing there. He was, with the bus driver, everyone on the bus, and 10 airport security people, one who had a large laser/gun thing and was about to blow up my bag. Let the good times begin.

So I swapped the bags, went back to re-check my luggage and was told I missed my flight. Dance, Dance, Dance happy. She said I would have to pay a change fee, the third time I've paid the change fee, and I think my tears convinced her otherwise. I got on a 4:40 flight.

I was so relieved I went out and had a cigarette. It's at this point that I noticed my cigarettes and lighter were in the other man's carry on bags. He is Arab. Good luck to him.

I'm paying like $1,000,000 for this internet access, gotta go.

People who need people

So my mom is trying to set me up. She wants me to go to the gay church to meet a man. She said something like "when I get lonely..." And see that's the thing, I don't get lonely. And the main reason is because people suck.

I'm going to fill this with pictures of my top 3 porn stars, that way no one will read it and I won't offend anyone. From top to bottom (pun intended) Brent Corrigan, Barrett Long and Chad Hunt. Why do straight men get so offended by a cock? If I gagged every time I saw a pair of tits I wouldn't have any bile left.

So anyway, this week my brother cancels on the trip to Chicago I planned TOTALLY around him. Fine. So my friends pick up on the fact that I am manically sad and invite me to 4 different things this week to make me feel better. Then they all cancel but one. Now if I had a friend who was feeling lonely and dejected I think I wouldn't cancel on them 3 times in one week, but hey, that's just me, I'm a giver.

So I wanted to go to Ends in the Beaches today and I think I still will. I just called and they're open until 9:30 tonight which is bad as it gives me little motivation to get off my butt in the near future. I've spent the day watching Kathy Griffin: My Life on the D-List, which seems to be the story of my life lately. Next weekend is Taste of the Danforth, so I talked to two people like "You want to make plans to go?" and they were like "Oh, I always go!" Translation: What day are you there so I know to rotate my shoe trees that night? Sigh. Is there a list below the D-List?

I Laughed All The Way To The Bank

So I stupidly agreed to go to this Comedy Street Festival downtown last night. I said I would meet my friends at 6:30 on the corner of Yonge & Dundas. I get there, look at my watch, 6:29 and 30 seconds, no friends. I spent half an hour looking for them. When I got there this was the crowd:

Like 5,000 people. I spent about half an hour pushing people aside, they totally weren't there. I got distracted by this cute boy who was swinging around a Darth Maul light saber thing. Stupid mike stand was in the way.

Then I continued looking. These people were a nice distraction:

Finally the time came for the show and this was the closest I could get:

So I went home. On the way I made a friend. Some lady yelled at me to not ride my bike on the sidewalk - I was turning the corner onto my street - so I followed her and yelled at her and she called me a wiener. You know sometimes a kind word from a stranger like that makes my day.

I then played The Sims 2 for 6 hours and went to bed. This guy on this gay message board was asking people if they had mostly gay families in their game. First guy says, "About half and half". Second guy says, "I turn all my sims gay. Even the children are gay. If any girls are born, they are just thrown into the pool and then I erase the ladder." Too funny.

Today the Simpsons Movie at 2:40.