I have walked out of three plays in my life and tonight's was the fastest. 10 minutes and I was out of "If We Were Birds".
Here the summary:
"A vivid re-imagining of Ovid’s myth. Procne, daughter of the King of Athens, marries the triumphant war hero Tereus and returns with him to Thrace, leaving her beloved sister Philomela behind. Procne begs her husband to reunite the sisters. Desire triumphs over reason igniting a chain of shattering events."
And here's what I saw:
Walk into the theatre and hear bird calls. I sit and read the program and everyone in the cast has names like "The fat one" and "The mean one" which was weird.
The lights come up and there are six women on the stage covered in blood. They are all clucking and pecking and running their feet on the ground like chickens would. In the centre of the women is a girl dressed like Little Red Riding Hood. She opens her mouth and blood spills out all over the floor. She mumbles something I couldn't understand and I was in the front row.
Cut to a scene of little red, now without hood, in the bathtub with her sister. She is wearing a tight white t-shirt with no bra. She proceeds to dunk herself in water.
Her and her sister talk for about 5 minutes about masturbation and exactly which part of the clitoris to stimulate. By this time I am squirming in my seat.
The bathtub fades and the six chicken ladies come to the front of the stage. They begin a non-rhyming poem about their hymens. The poem is called "Thank you, hymen." The poem lasts about 5 minutes. Then I walked out.