Back on land

Recovering at the hostel after about 3 hours sleep. Went shopping at Walmart and spent $200. Now I have 2 days to find a way to get all this home. Oh and lie on the beach.
I think i'll need to go buy another suitcase. Will wait for nightfall when it's hopefully less than 38 degrees.

Last dance

I heard today at dinner that someone died onboard the ship a couple days ago, apparently he was 27. Everyone was discussing what a terrible tragedy it was.

If I die one day aboard a gay cruise, do not be sad. As soon as I heard the news, I was reminded of the immortal words of Liza Minnelli.

“I used to have a girlfriend
known as Elsie
With whom I shared
Four sordid rooms in Chelsea

She wasn't what you'd call
A blushing flower...
As a matter of fact
She rented by the hour.

The day she died the neighbours
came to snicker:
"Well, that’s what comes
from to much pills and liquor."

But when I saw her laid out like a Queen
She was the happiest corpse
I'd ever seen.

I think of Elsie to this very day.
I'd remember how'd she turn to me and say:
"What good is sitting alone in your room?
Come hear the music play.
Life is a Cabaret, old chum,
Come to the Cabaret."

And as for me,
I made up my mind back in Chelsea,
When I go, I'm going like Elsie.

Start by admitting
From cradle to tomb
Isn't that long a stay.
Life is a Cabaret, old chum,
And I love a Cabaret!”

Then later tonight, I went to Matt Yee’s piano bar show and near the end of the set he sang Luthor Vandross’ “Dance with My Father”. He related a story about how when his father died four years ago he scattered his ashes by a tree in Haiti. He mentioned how he goes back there from time to time and feels a connection with his father once again.

Last year when he went, the tree was now right beside a zip line and you could hear Caribbean music playing, and he didn’t feel the connection and he wondered if he had lost the connection forever.

This year when he went back earlier this week, the tree had been cut down.

As he walked back to the ship, he saw friends who hugged him, and he thought of his partner of 15 years and all the friends he’s made as he travelled the world. And then he began to cry, the show stopped, and he cried.

And I cried too, for the end of this vacation, for parents, for friends, for lovers who are gone, for lovers I don’t have, for injustice, for happiness, for the man who died, for the chance to be a part of that moment.

And this is why I return; for this moment to share with 3,700 people with the same experience. To relate, to feel, to forget, to remember, to laugh, to cry. And to feel the circle of life and humanity tighten and squeeze in just a bit.

On a boat

On a VERY rocky boat in Mexico. Just got back from Telum ruins. Was ok, some cool iguanas but it was very hot, like 35 degrees. Having a good time. Typing this out on my iPod.
We took this same boat over here but I never thought to check for the Internet. Who would have guessed some dinghy in a 3rd world country would have wifi? Although it is as slow as Hell.
More shopping then back to the boat for Roseanne and the biggest party, the white party. How did the time go by so fast?

Surprise guest

Tomorrow's surprise guest entertainer is... Roseanne!

Grand Cayman and day 5

How is the time flying by so quickly? It’s day five already.

Just got back from Grand Cayman. It seems the island is really poor so they basically rope off an area for tour boats which contains 100 shops each selling the exact same things. It was lame and overpriced.

My chest is itchy from the sunburn. My face and arms are ok, just a little red.

Having so much fun. Dancing until 4 am last night, Lady Gaga comes on with Bad Romance and the place goes nuts, everyone in amazing Alice in Wonderland themed costumes. Great shows with Miss Richfield, then cabaret lounge acts, a laugh a minute. Amazing food in the elegant dining room, friendly people and dancing til dawn.

A little bit of silence in the comments after my last post. It was temporary, I remember feeling the same on every other vacation but I think I just never stopped to write it down. I remember in Poland, no one spoke English, no one would even look at you, and I was wondering why I even went and feeling very downhearted and missing home. It passes, I think missing home is a part of travelling. And with everything I do in life, I wonder why I do it and second and third guess myself. Why am I here? Was this the best use of my vacation money? Would I come back? One thing I love about a vacation is you don’t have very long to think these things before moving on to the next exciting thing and another fun filled day.

Tonight is an acrobat show, followed by a hypnotist show which was one of the best things on the last cruise. Tomorrow up early, no more getting to sleep at 5 am, meeting at 9:45 for the Telum Mayan ruins tour. Then shopping in Cozumel, Mexico and another beautiful day on the beach in the 30 degree sun. No rain so far.

Couldn’t be having a better time.

A mile in my shoes

So many thoughts at 3:30 am on this Tuesday night. Why do people get so melancholy at night? Why do I? Sometimes I believe I think more then other people, my brain never stops.
Watched a model dance with his friends tonight on deck, stopping to take a photo or kiss a friend hello, being paid to dance his life away at parties.
When I spoke with him earlier, he told me how he had a herniated disk and had major back surgery that took him out of commission for months. He still has a large scar in the small of his back, which can’t help the modeling career. Yet for the moment, standing there in the neon lights watching him, you can forget that.
I have the feeling other people just stand and watch him dance.
Would I want that life? The dancing, party every night of your life?

There’s good and bad to every decision. Checks and balances, ebbs and flows. My sex drive is gone, it left, and I haven’t seen it for months. Is it the new pills, the old pills, my life, my self-esteem, weather patterns, changing tides? I don’t know, really. Why do I constantly feel like I’m choking? Don’t know. Divine intervention has simply decided this is what I have to work with right now.
But the check, the balance, is that by not being so concerned with sex, I look everyone in the eye. I’m not afraid to say hello. And as a consequence, even though my nose is shiny and I gained 25 lbs from last year, like four guys a day hit on me, which is definitely a boost to the ego, perhaps pushing that aspect back into line.
And I was thinking too (I’m always thinking), if four guys a day hit on me, how many guys a day do I hit on? The answer, so far, zero. Not one. I’m sitting back, waiting to have someone find me, waiting to feel sexual, waiting for all this to fall in my lap as I’m walking to the other end of the ship to get a coffee. And the funny thing is, it has happened! Four times a day! So what the Hell?
I have to believe at least identifying these issues is a step toward ultimately resolving them.

This leads me to the comedian I saw tonight. He was funny, giving his show, and at the end he said “I wake up every morning and say to myself: I am Middle Eastern. I am gay. I weigh 400 lbs. And I make a decision to live the best life I can.”
Isn’t that what it’s about?
Could I wake up in the morning and say “I am overweight. I am gay. Today my nose will run. Today I will feel like I’m choking 100 times. Today my face will shine from Vaseline and I will be embarrassed about it. Today I will have times I feel inadequate. But I will go on. I will work with what I have been given today. I will make people laugh. I will be the life of the party. I will try to make my life and the lives of others better.” Cause what else can you do?
We’ve each been dealt a hand, and this is the one you have to play. What others have been dealt doesn’t change what you have, and regardless you don’t know their hand. But you don’t fold. You pick it up. This is the only game. And the important part is that you play.
The lesson of my life, it seems. The lesson I must learn again and again and again until I get it right.
Play your hand.

Haiti

Went to Labadee, Haiti today. I heard there was supplies and aid workers on board that we were leaving there. I looked around and actually got off the boat today!

Woke up early to get a tan, I’m now burned to the colour of a stop sign. Once on Haiti my roommate Alberto and I went over to the market area. Apparently it’s really improved since last time which is a miracle as it was a run-down shanty down when I got there. Poor people selling stuff they made by hand for tons of money sitting in groups leering at people coming in. I clutched my pearls and ran for my life. Every time we saw someone who looked hungry or poor I crossed the street. On the bright side everyone spoke French so I had fun talking to them in French. Well, at least I think they spoke French. Come to think of it, no one ever actually responded. Oh, well, the important thing is I had fun. “Bonne journée!”

I’m writing this now at 6 pm waiting for the ice show to start at 7. There are two main options tonight, the family friendly ice show or the family friendly “Once Upon a Time” show, which I saw last year, where they have little red riding hood and when the wolf comes out, he sings the song “Hungry Like The Wolf”. It’s a pile of crap so I’m sitting that out.

Will post photos later, internet is 55 cents a minute and very slow, so a photo may take 5 minutes to load. I’m not paying $2.50 US per photo, thank you.

I was thinking before when I was here how different it would be to live and work on board, say in the dance crew or something. But at 55 cents a minute for internet and $7 a minute for a phone call, it would also be a weird experience having no modern technology. I don’t think I could do it. You’d have to write letters with a pen for a start.

Anyway, so on Haiti I found a hammock and sat in it all afternoon. Those things are incredibly comfortable. I took a photo of the view from my hammock, that was really the life. I plan to make it my screensaver at work so I can always look up and see the ocean and relax on the hammock again.

I’m very glad I came, I was a bit nervous before coming, as I am on every trip I go on. The great thing is the crowd seems to be just a little bit older this year, maybe it’s the recession? I don’t feel like I’m constantly trying to fit in all the time like I remember feeling last year. I can do myself up and go to a nice dinner and talk to guys and turn it on, or I can pop downstairs for a smoke in a t-shirt and not worry. One thing I said last year that I’m really feeling again is that this cruise is what you make it. If you want to dance all night till dawn in a Speedo, you can. Last night I went to drag karaoke, then a lounge singer, then a uniform party where I wore my Boy Scout shirt. Oh and a comedy showcase and a bunch of other stuff. An art auction where topless boys serve free champagne, you know normal stuff like that.

Gotta go get ready for dinner and the show. Having an amazing time.

I’m hearing rumours that the ship didn’t sell out this year and they may be combining the January cruise next year with a similar one in March. I can’t go in March because of my job. I was thinking of booking the February 2011 Australia cruise instead, which ends in Sydney for Mardi Gras. How cool would that be? I’ll see what they’re offering at the end of the week. You save $100 if you book while you’re still on the ship.