You Can Run: Gay, Glam, and Gritty Travels in South America by Jesse Archer

You Can Run: Gay, Glam, and Gritty Travels in South America by Jesse Archer
My rating: 3 of 5 stars

I liked it, I didn't love it.

I picked this up for the blurb by Josh Kilmer-Purcell on the cover.

This book promised hilarious and didn't really deliver. There were some amusing stories by the author. Part of what I liked about it was the South America part, I have no real idea of day to day life there and no real intention to visit, so that was interesting.

Some of the less good parts were the drug use, which was very casual, and the vanity of the author. There were moments where he had an emotional connection, but far more where he relied on his youth and looks.

Overall I don't know that the author comes off that well, and this is from his point of view, so was it worse in real life? When we treated his boyfriend badly and then ripped his favourite Casper shirt, I was kind of glad I don't know him personally.

I get that we all do drugs and are a little self-absorbed when young, but I don't really need to relive that.

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Artifice by Alex Woolfson

Artifice by Alex Woolfson
My rating: 3 of 5 stars

I liked it.
I backed the book for publication through Kickstarter.
The story was good, the robot was handsome and smart. The guy, I don't really like long hair so I liked him better at the end.
I felt that it was a piece of a story rather than a full story, kind of starting and ending in the middle of the action. This being said however I don't really need any more.
I felt like there should have been a comic relief. Some of the reaction images were as subtle as an Archie comic. The story was a little too smart to the point of feeling a little sterile.
I liked it enough.

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The Love Song of Jonny Valentine by Teddy Wayne

The Love Song of Jonny Valentine by Teddy Wayne
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

I loved this book. I expect it to be my favourite book of 2013.

Jonny has it all, the looks, the voice, the clothes, and a self-named haircut, but what does having at all really mean? What are the costs?

The book starts out with Jonny at 11 acting older than his age, thinking older than his age, spitting out lines from his mother/manager and PR people and record producers by rote, hiding the person behind the image.

There's some great lines in this book, occasionally I'd read a paragraph or a page and re-read it, and re-read it again later to friends or anyone who would listen.

"Whenever Jane's studying the career longevity of pop stars, she's like, Thank God you're not black."

Jonny is real, he talks about getting boners, he plays Zenon, he worries about child predators. The insight into branding strategy translated through the mind of an eleven year old boy blew my mind at the author's brilliance.

The reason though this book gets five stars, the reason it's the best of the year, is for what I wasn't expecting. I'm on this roller coaster ride of fun and inventive writing, and then Jonny meets his back up band, and then he gets an email from his father, and somewhere along the way, at some point when I wasn't looking, the emotion came in. I cried at the end, and I wasn't expecting that from a parody of the perils of fame.

I guess that's what a good writer does, hooks you, then reels in the line without you realizing it, all the way drawing you closer and closer to his net.

I'm hooked.

The author takes a book about Justin Bieber and turns it into an essay on what makes us whole, how we get through, and how we move on. Loved it.

RSVP (to my heart)

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The cleaner comes over

Further to my last post about Hula Hoop, that Saturday morning she did come over.

I was woken up at 9:30 by Hula Hoop calling to say she couldn't find my house.  I tried to give her directions as I quickly threw on some clothes and when I stepped out the door she was there.

As soon as she walked in, she's like "I thought you said 2 bedrooms". (It should be noted for the sake of clarity I will be typing in English.  If I typed what she said, it would be more like (loudly) "HOW MANY BEDROOM????"  Me: "Zero, this is it." "I THOUGHT YOU SAY TWO!  WELL, QUI EURIWE QIWUIJF....." I couldn't understand it, but it was loud.)

So $70 was for a 2 bedroom?  I was confident it would take her 3 hours just to do my little place anyway.

Hula steps in and takes off her winter boots and has no shoes or socks on. Bare feet.  She looks up at me and says "YOU HAVE SHOES I CAN WEAR?" (typing like this is more fun) So I went in the closet and managed to find an old pair of flip flops that were about 200 sizes too big on her, and I thought to myself, "This is going well."

Hula starts in the kitchen and sprays the oven cleaner everywhere, and then is like "YOU HAVE GLOVES?" which I didn't.  To me if you need gloves you should bring them, or ask first, or something.  Anyway, I went to the store to get some.

While I was gone, the oven cleaner sat there for 30 minutes or so and when I got back I noticed a spot of it got on my counter top and ate right through:

I went  to the Hardware Store today to ask if there was anything to hide the mark with, they said no.  Great.

Hula continued to clean, I asked her about the fridge and she said it was an extra $20. I said fine but when she said she was finished, I noticed she hadn't actually moved anything.  She kind of cleaned AROUND the stuff already in the fridge, so I took the stuff out and put it on the counter and asked her to clean again, which she did.

As she was cleaning, she would occasionally scream things at me in a not so subtle way.  She said she was from Turkey and I would suggest if she is a spy, they need better training in subtlety. She's cleaning, then stops and comes over to me and is like "WHO YOU VOTE FOR?" I'm like, "What? Excuse me?" and this continued with other bons mots, such as "WHAT RELIGION YOU?"

Usually these questions are accompanied by my silence and a look like I've been punched in the chest, so she would elaborate. For example with religion, she continued "YOU CATHOLIC?" I'm like "No...." "YOU BELIEVE IN GOD THOUGH, RIGHT?" I'm like "No...." and I'm wondering if she's now going to either offer me religious pamphlets or stop cleaning and run out the door. She ended with "YOU ARE A SOCIALIST?" to which I said yes, mainly to get the interrogation to stop, and she's like "AHHHHH. NOW I SEE!"

She kept going on, telling me different stories.  She said she usually doesn't clean men's houses as they all put the moves on her. This being despite the fact that I'm a man and she came with no questions asked, so whatever.  Who knows, maybe she did ask questions.  I couldn't understand half of what she said.

So she's telling me these times that she was cleaning and a guy took off all his clothes, or another time when she had to tell someone she was going to call the police if he phoned her again.  I said she should clean for gay men.  She's like "YAH, YAH..." Then she moves over and is actually dusting my oil panting of a nude man, and as she cleans the penis area, she's like "YOU ARE GAY?" and I said I was.  She was shocked to the core.  Apparently they didn't include this in the Soviet training manual. I would say she was shocked for like 5 minutes, repeating "YOU ARE GAY?!?!?"  Now at this point she'd already been in my house for 2 hours and as I mentioned, was cleaning a nude man, so I don't know how any of this wasn't apparent earlier.

She eventually left, agreeing to come back in two weeks for two hours for $55 and another $10 next time for the windows, inside and outside.

There were little things when she left, like her ad said "We even clean the kitty litter!" but she hadn't touched the kitty littler. Also she cleaned by whole bathroom but the framed pictures I have in there, she didn't clean the glass.  It was full of toothpaste marks.  So I spent maybe 30 minutes or so tidying up things after she left and it was done.

It was really nice to have a clean house, but I told her next time she comes I'd leave a key, I don't need to be there.

I like the clean, but some of the other stuff, a bit less so.

My cat pants like a dog (videos)

Saturday at the AGO

Had a great time on Saturday celebrating my dad’s birthday. My dad made the best lasagna I have ever had EVER!

With his little dog, too, a jug named Buster, who I am going to steal.

We started off at the AGO and their new Patti Smith gallery, which was crap, and their new Josef Sudek gallery which was amazing.
Sudek had one arm, and did things like make panoramic film himself.  He also looked like hell, and he did amazing work, documenting Prague in photography better than anyone else.
A plaque at the exhibition contained a quote from a 1933 reviewer: "[Sudek's] greatest efforts are achieved when he 'sculpts' with light and shadow... These works have a purpose and are proof of his enormous love of photography."
This shot from 1948 is called "Leading to the Lair of the Cunning Little Vixen".

I love how he's so unafraid of shadow.
This shot called "In the Magic Garden (Hat on Bench)" I found so inviting, I wanted to take a book and read under the huge canopy.

This one from 1930 shows again his mastery of shadow.

The exhibit was quite, quite large. A career retrospective really, and almost all of it worth checking out.

It was nice to have Linda there, my dad's partner, as she volunteers at the AGO.  When we got to the amazing "The Academy" by Kent Monkman, she was able to give us a little history around it.
I couldn't find a better photo on the net than the one I took:

The piece was commissioned by the AGO and uses some of their art in it, including one of my favourites, "After the Bath" by Paul Peel. Monkman says:

Immediately to the right of the West figure sits two children in front of a small fire reference Paul Peel’s After the Bath (1890). Within The Academy, they are depicted as putti and grouped with a coyote that is representative of the Cree trickster figure, Weeseegachak. This arrangement visualizes an intersection between European and Aboriginal mythologies. Putti, in classic times, were often depicted participating in bacchic/pagan rites.

Some of the other works are located around the painting, but many are not. Two very close are "Portrait of William Henry Boulton" by George Theodore Berthon:

And "Portrait of Mrs. William Henry Berthon (Harriette)", both from 1846. Apparently Boulton founded the AGO.
Of these Monkman says:
My alter ego, Miss Chief, is pictured in the drag of Harriette Dixon Bouton, represented in The Academy in a double portrait of the Grange matriarch and her husband, Mr. William Henry Boulton. As a Bostonian, Harriette played the role of outsider and principal witness to much of The Grange’s history; Miss Chief reprises this role in The Academy, while continuing her exploration of the European male. Miss Chief is positioned in the figuration of Monsiau’s rendering of Zeuxis, as she is seen extending a circular braid of sweetgrass towards the European male models whom she draws inspiration for a pictographic image, chalked out on her canvas. The chalk outlines refer to the chalk drawing of an Aboriginal Dandy that Catlin began but could not finish, leaving the Aboriginal Dandies doomed forever to obscurity.

Mr. Boulton is found seated behind Miss Chief, playfully kicking up her over-skirt and crinoline. Unable to see her face, perhaps he is unaware that it is a Berdashe masquerading as his wife. Resting closely near Mr. Boulton’s other foot is an intricately decorated clay pot. The implication of the clay pot invokes a historical New Mexican tribe member -We’wha (1849-1896). A Zuni Indian, an Ihamana (man/woman or Berdashe), We’wha was a prominent figure of the tribe and worked as both a potter and priest and achieved high-ranking status through religious ceremonies.

Then on to less good paintings and home!
Great day!

My shoes arrived!

Fabulous news, my shoes arrived!

I'm coordinating my outift for my cruise, it should be ready for July!