Tonight

Tonight is difficult.
I've been on this medication for 4 years or so and now I'm off it and yesterday I was feeling jumpy, and today just sad.
I worked late just to not go home, and then I left at 7 and here I am.
This weekend and week I have plans every day but not tonight.
I was supposed to hear from an old friend but he didn't call.
I spoke with the fellow I'm dating, but I didn't really communicate I was feeling lonely. He's busy tonight, what would it matter? And it was nice to hear from him but then I'm left with a dark apartment and I'm turning 30 and holy shit, this is life?
How did that happen?
This is really the best time of my life. I'm dating, I'm busy, I'm traveling, I'm happy at work, I'm happy with myself, but occasionally, like tonight, none of that seems to matter, and it just seems bleak.
Tonight, feeling melancholy, I'm wishing things were easier.