Wednesday, November 19, 2008

True Holywood Story Pt 1

I thought this might be a good forum to explain some things in my life.

This one is about my father.

My father left when I was 3. He lived with another woman named Pam and had a child with her. When I was about 8 he came back into my life. I started having visits with him, all about him. We went to fish stores, the hockey hall of fame, whatever he was interested in. I suppose now that he thought a good father took his son to the Hockey Hall of Fame.

When I was 16 I moved in with him. It wasn't an easy decision. I was living with a homophobic old couple who wanted me out so I moved in with him. The second day there he started laying down ultimatums, he didn't want me there. So I left. I went back to my mom's.

Later my mom told him I was gay and he flipped, he called me a piece of shit so I hung up on him. A year later, I saw him again, at my grandmother's funeral. He asked if I was ready to apologize for hanging up on him yet. I did, I was a kid.

Things were distant for years. When I was 22 I saw him again. I had explained how I didn't have a ride home from work and I had to pay $20 for a cab every night to get home so he gave me a ride home. He explained how he had changed. How he had given up alcohol. He talked all about himself. I told him to start drinking again, how at least when he was drinking he was happy. We didn't talk after that. The last thing I said to him is that I would not brake if I saw him crossing the street.

He contacted me a year ago. Through my aunt he said he was sorry. Apparently now it's 2007 and being gay is ok.

What's funny is my mother did the same thing. When she found out I was gay, she asked me not to molest my 1 year old brother. But with time, although she never apologized, she has made it up. I think she understands now. There are still times, like last night, when she says she can't understand how I'm attracted to the same sex, where I remember the distance, and I remember the prejudice. But the effort has been made.

My father is looking for the shortcut and that will not happen.

I once heard a saying, when you are black and discriminated against, you fight together. But when you are gay you fight alone.

I am not in a position to fight right now. I meed some time to heal. So I will not be attending baseball with my father this season.

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