Wednesday, February 4, 2009


I saw my fellow on Wednesdays, and today was number one.
With the excellent timing of the cosmos, I was given passes to a movie premiere tonight. I saw Push - it doesn't matter how it was, who paid attention?
On the way home I was thinking how a mistake had been made.

See I am tanned, and happy, and slim. Proof of slim claim below:

I provide joy, love, kindness, I have a little bit of a sex drive (I think I may have posted a photo from bingo). In short, a catch.
Now I was thinking of many things on the walk home. It seems a bit self-centered but by ending this relationship he made a mistake. It seems so obvious to me. His life, his future, his happiness will not improve by not having me there, I know this as I know him.
And for a minute I thought about contacting him, telling him this, making him see.

But as I walked on and the certainty grew that he had made a mistake by leaving, it occurred to me - this was not a mistake for me.

My life is remarkably together for the first time. I do understand him a lot as things he's going through I have been through as well. But the difference is I've come out the other side. His life is just too full of problems right now to let anyone in fully, to focus on a relationship or even a job. And as much as we got along so well, I was doing myself a disservice by accepting less than 100%.

I remember I hadn't seen him for 2 weeks and I was leaving for a week to go on the cruise. The day before I left he drove downtown, 5 minutes from my house, and went out all night, and drove home the next morning. Now despite the fact that this relationship was still new, and despite the fact that we weren't going to see each other for weeks, he had other priorities. Which I totally understand for him - he's going through a lot, he has stuff to deal with, he has ways of working through problems. But for me? Why would I accept that?

I do like him and I think we could easily be friends. I see it as a grandchild-grandparent type relationship, which would take all the stressful elements of our relationship away for me.

We can have a laugh, I can take him to the zoo. But when his diaper is wet and he throws a tantrum, he's someone else's responsibility.

And for me, that's not a mistake.

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