From the Spring 1970 issue of QQ, or Queen's Quarterly.
Cruise with the Gay Computer!
In an article from the same issue, "You've Come a Long Way, Baby!":
Ten years ago, the whole life style of some of the older guys I met appeared to be restrictive and lonely. In retrospect I see a blurred picture of little walk-up apartments, all very chi-chi; omnipresent poodles; Judy Garland records; trips to Europe where you could be yourself, and an occasional dab at the wrist with a razor blade because John had just walked out and oh God life was so rotten anyway.
NEW GUY IN TOWN:
Tips on Moving to the Big
City
by Frank Keating
JUST recently a friend
visited his aging mother in one of those cold states out west, where in spring
it is not uncommon to find a beautiful boy thawing out against a barbed wire fence,
after having been iced solid and covered with snow in a wicked winter blizzard.
My friend stayed with his sister and her husband, who live in a small town of
about 50 “clean livin’ folk.” There, delicate Bessie and manly Sam boasted to
him of their part in executing a “God damn queer.”
A boy—a gentle, beautiful boy
of only 18—following his natural desires could not resist the temptation to
‘love' a couple of the town’s studs; goons who first allowed themselves to be
‘serviced’ and then ridiculed the young man, a victim of circumstance. Word
spread quickly and shook the town so violently that it was generally agreed the
boy should be punished. With the blessing of a bigoted preacher and the
approval of the sheriff, a few toughs took the boy to a wintry bluff, stripped
him and threw him to roll and tumble 50 feet down a snowy incline. Being left
for dead, this gentle boy, so blond, so beautiful, a god among the gay had he
been born in a big city, had the will to live. For 12 miles he braced the cold
wind, trekking through deep snow in a vain attempt to reach shelter, an
abandoned cabin he knew of. Several days later his body was found, now blue and
stiff, his blond hair faded and brittle, the soft lines of his buttocks
breaking a snowy blanket of death.
He was buried quietly, by
whom no one knows. Perhaps a secret lover perhaps by someone who will escape
the same fate by leaving that evil town as a lasting tribute to a love which
was silenced before it spoke. Maybe that man whose hands laid the boy to rest
will, out of complacency and fear of what is unfamiliar—a big city—remain to
grow old and gnarled, condemning himself to an empty life of bitterness. Even
old maids are not put to such suffering; they at least are accepted socially.
My friend, helpless and
sickened by the story, could not stay. Suddenly, the very womb which gave him
life seemed depraved. What he had held in his heart as love all these years now
abandoned him; had he not returned he
would have at least preserved a golden memory of those he believed dear to him. One wonders: Had he been
exposed before moving to a big city, or even now as a visitor, would his own
mother have held the stake that surely would have been hammered into his heart?
Bizarre as this story may
seem, it is nonetheless true. Such films as “Easy Rider” point up the bigoted
ugliness that exists in this country, in people everywhere who fear anything
different from themselves. Indeed, that movie should be seen by every minority
group, and especially by homosexuals. Such modern witch hunts as the trials in
Boise, Idaho a few years ago must serve as a warning to any gentle boy who
believes others love as he and are capable of understanding and acceptance. We
at QQ long for that day. Certainly the world is making progress: God bless the
young people and their sexual outlook. God bless the demise of Victorian
principles and our new awakening. But before the world sees with open eyes
there will be countless attacks on all minority strains, and we who are gay are
prime targets.
If you are trapped in a small
town read these words well: Keep your wits about you while you are living among
those who would do you harm. Acquire a good education to help secure your
future. As soon as you are of age, leave. Join your people wherever they congregate,
in gay meccas here in America or wherever homosexuals are given license to live
and love as they must. Moving away cannot cause lasting hurt in your mother’s
heart; if she loves you she will understand. Letters, a telephone call, an
occasional visit can keep your love and hers alive. Remain and you may kill
that love, by causing heartache and misery for yourself and those who are
entangled in a web of hypocrisy from which there is no escape.
This article is addressed
mainly to the young. But even if you are not so young, if your spirit for
adventure and longing for freedom have not left you, use my advice as a
propellent for liberation. If you have already escaped let these words serve as
a reminder that no matter how rough you have had it, and no matter how many
hills you must climb, your decision was right— for love cannot be fettered. If
is life itself.
When you have reached your
decision to leave, proceed slowly. Choose a city wisely—one which will afford anonymity and
comradeship among your own kind. The place you choose must be a gay mecca in which
homosexuals are allowed to live and love freely. Foremost in America are New
York and San Francisco, with Los Angeles and Chicago next in line. Here and
there, especially in California, are communities in which the gay life
nourishes, for in these locales gay guys have united and increased their
numbers by not relenting to outside pressures at first, and by dislodging
straight society from within through their obstinance to leave. So intolerable
does such a situation become for straight dwellers that in time they are
thinned out. Most large cities, here and throughout the world, by nature of
their indifference afford a sanctuary for the gay. If your move cannot be
complete; that is, moving hundreds, thousands of miles away, then move to the
nearest big town where you will at least find others like yourself living in
harmony and happiness, even if in limited numbers. You may decide to remain in
such ‘transitional’ towns. If you do not, your residency will condition you for
a bigger move.
If
you are attending college the move becomes simple. By wisely selecting a
college in or near a gay mecca, you will be making a safe transition, and with
the blessing of your parents. Once matriculated, once familiar with your new
city, you will find it relatively easy to remain after graduation. If you are
not a student, then, after choosing a city, investigate job opportunities.
Visit your local librarian, or newspaper editor. He will secure for you the
names and addresses of newspapers in the city of your choice. Now it’s a matter
of sending for a copy of Sunday’s leading newspaper, in which you will find numerous
job listings. Not only will these listings give you some idea of wages paid,
but will afford leads for jobs—even if you must first register (by mail) with
several placement agencies. Moreover, you will learn (by reading the ads) how
to construct a ‘situations wanted’ ad for yourself, advertising for a position
in a big city paper—and possibly securing employment by mail even before
leaving home.
Such
newspapers tell you much more. You can examine the ‘apartments available’ ads,
and get some idea of what rents are like. A look at the department store and
supermarket ads will tell you a lot about local fashions, clothing and
furniture prices, and the cost of living in general. Overall, the newspaper
will clue you in on the town’s tempo.
Pay
attention only to establishment papers. Seeking employment through an
underground paper, gay or straight, will only get you involved with insincere
people who make a practice of preying on the young—promising but never giving
the world in return for one night with your body.
Perhaps
there is an employment agency in your home town; there may be a listing just
for you. If you attended school locally, visit the principal or guidance
counselor to secure his aid in helping you locate a good job elsewhere.
Oftentimes, local educators will go overboard to help, for in you they see the
chance for escape they may have missed years ago, and your liberation—even if
left unsaid—is an expression of their own desires. If you now have a good job,
your supervisor will respect your honesty if you take time to discuss your
plans (not entirely, of course), and may, in fact, be able to land you a solid
interview with a friend who is in a hiring position in a big company in your
chosen city.
If
you leave after securing employment you will have accomplished a difficult task
successfully. But do not let unemployment deter you. Take with you enough
savings to keep you sheltered and fed for at least three months, and as soon as
you are settled in a temporary home, scan the want ads and register with job
agencies. Groom yourself, dress conservatively, be persistent and be ready to
support all the claims you have set forth in a typewritten resume. Don’t settle
for an unattractive position, but if the job is at least tolerable, accept it,
and once you are settled you can quietly seek employment elsewhere. By then,
you will have made friends, and opportunities will come your way.
Don’t buy a new wardrobe before
leaving. Styles vary in different cities, and you should not buy clothing
before knowing exactly what’s in vogue. Take with you a conservative dark suit,
a couple of white shirts, a dark tie, underwear, shoes, and an overcoat if
needed, as well as enough casual wear to keep you snapping on the gay scene
after job hunting. Always in style are wash pants and dungarees, sports shirts
and tee shirts, windbreakers, sweaters, and loafers. You may not be the
‘picture of fashion’ at first, what with your short haircut and
conservative dress, but your hair will grow, and in the meantime you will be in
great demand—for jaded homosexuals (as we sooner or later become in
cosmopolitan cities) may occasionally poke fun at their country cousins, but
nonetheless relish meeting and making any new guy in town.
If you own a car, you may or may
not want to take it with you. For instance, in New York a car is a burden.
Parking is difficult, and insurance rates are high. With great subways and bus
service, as well as taxis—not to mention the fact that the City is laid out in
an orderly easy-to-get-around fashion—a car simply is not needed. But in
California, especially in areas such as Los Angeles, having a car is a
necessity—for without one you will be trapped wherever you are. Communities are
spread apart, and public transportation is lacking. If a car is not needed,
then sell before you leave and travel by bus or train or plane. Selling after
you reach your destination might get you an unfair price, depending on local
economy and crooked dealers. You’re much safer making a deal in your home town.
If you have a friend or know
some gay guys in the city of your choice, write or phone well in advance for
whatever advice they might offer. A good friend will usually extend an
invitation to stay with him on arrival, but such hospitality should not be abused.
Unless he is a prospective lover, and the feeling is mutual, accept, but only
for a few days, thereby showing a regard for his privacy (not every gay guy
likes having sex with his tricks in front of an old buddy) and avoiding a
breakup which could easily develop if you overstay your welcome. While you are
visiting, make your plans for a short visit clear, and contribute to
housekeeping, laundry, and groceries. As soon as you feel relaxed, move to a
YMCA if you have not by then located a groovy pad of your own. The Y is always
comfortable, affords an opportunity for many new friendships, and is
inexpensive. On getting a job you can seek permanent quarters at your leisure.
Gay newcomers especially
radiate a trusting glow which often leads to trouble. Of course there are many
wonderful guys in big cities, fellows who like yourself were once new. There
are also con artists and leeches. They are obvious among the hippie types who
would do anything for a handout. Until you are settled and get to know the ways
of your chosen city, don’t be completely trusting with strangers. This is not
to say that you should be suspicious and impenetrable with people who show
kindness, or guys you trick with. Be honest and giving of yourself, but also be
aware that you may be an easy victim for the loan of money, a place to sleep,
etc. Simply set guidelines for yourself, and don’t go flip-flop over the first
guy who tells you: “I love you.” My God! I know a guy who gets so chummy on his
first fling in bed with someone that he suggests and starts planning European
vacations together. He’s done it dozens of times—and inevitably cancels after
not receiving that first phone call. As in any town, one cannot hunt for love;
love must find you, and when it happens you will both know and the affair will
take its naturally beautiful course. At first, keep your eyes wide open and
avoid being victimized by those who are pros at taking advantage of a
good-hearted stranger. Ideally, if you have friends in your new city, or if you
make friends easily, they in turn will introduce you to others—which makes
things a lot easier during your adjustment period.
These, then, are general
rules for all new guys in town. The decision to cut a niche for yourself in
this beautiful world of ours is yours. If we can be of help in making your
move, by advising you, feel free to write to any member of our staff. We do not
charge for this service, and you will receive a prompt and honest reply. We
consider you a member of our family. Your place is among us—wherever we
congregate. Only with us will you find happiness. Join us. That someplace may
be only a few miles from where you now live. Whether it is a short drive or
trip of many hours, it can be the most difficult journey in your life—for that
first step is the hardest. To find love you must take it.
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