Wednesday, October 31, 2007

Quarterly Prohibited Items List

I subscribe to the Government of Canada's Quarterly Prohibited Items list. In order to get on the mailing list I think you have to know someone as a google search revealed nothing. This month's list of titles I have to check out, I mean stay away from, included one I own, Straight to Hell #66, which I bought in Manhattan for $6. It's independently published, basically photocopied magazine with stories from readers. I have no idea why it was banned. The best part is they print letters from total nut jobs, like this one:
MILWAUKEE-Okay this is really scary and I don't know how many people I can talk to about it, so I come to you. I suddenly have this huge crater in my butt crack. And I don't know where it came from. I woke up this morning and there's a bonus orifice. I wonder if aliens came for me last night and just missed their normal hole. I am truly baffled and a little concerned. How the hell does one wake up with an ass crater? I guess I needed another hole so I can have even more sex.
Now what bothers me is how secretive this organization is, much like in This Film is Not Yet Rated. Who exactly are these people? Can I become one of them? Is this done by vote? Committee?
I emailed them, asking for a Master List or back copies of the quarterly report, they refused. Similar to my Doctor Who toys being refused at the border, they need give no explanation. Does this list apply to titles I already own, or just ones I want to import in the future? Wouldn't it help the public to provide this list so they know if they're breaking a law by buying a book? And is it too much to ask they provide links to the sellers of these items so I don't have to do all the work myself finding them?
In other news, I am poor this month for some reason. Is it because of the $75 to renew my driver's license, the $87 for my passport renewal, the $601 in back taxes, the $900 dentist bill, the $300 hydro bill, $150 student loan? Or some combination of the above? Or the fact that I paid $100 for a bootleg copy of a DVD?
Finally I received a copy of Physique Pictorial today.

From 1962, it's a VERY tame magazine for "Health Professionals". It shows guys in bodybuilding poses, all wearing posing straps, the butt is the most they show. What's great is how interspersed with the magazine is letters and comments deriding the perverts who see this magazine as being for anyone other than "health professionals". I close with a letter from a reader:
"You should be very proud of your fine photography and artwork--be more positive--no reason to be ashamed. You are'nt (their spelling) going to change the dirty minds anyway. I am a priest in a small narrow-minded town so please do not give my name or locality. - O.R."
I forgot the best part! The best title off the prohibited items list "Cum in My Kimono".

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